Kind and good. Kind and good are four-letter words for a demon. Crowley would do better to snap at the angel, to tell him something like Oh, tell the whole world, why don't you? and brush them off. But he is better than he has been, and that's because of his friendship with Aziraphale. He's wanted to be good because of him. He's wanted to do the right thing to do it for the angel.
Loving anything is supposed to be out of his grasp. But he feels it so completely. He feels it even when Aziraphale isn't in his arms, even when he isn't kissing the angel with everything that he has in him. He feels it when he's just looking at him. He feels it when he's teasing him, or Aziraphale is blustering and acting self-righteous and a little bit holier-than-thou. Aziraphale is what he wants, and he gives that sensation, that desire to the angel.
He wants Aziraphale to be safe. He tries to think of the things that make him feel safe, the things that make him feel good. Aziraphale's bookshop makes him feel safe. Evenings with the angel make him feel secure. The angels' hands on his face, on his shoulder, they are like anchors, holding him in place. Chaos and trouble are the things that usually make Crowley feel like he's done the right thing----a good bit of mischief done right, watching people with their shoes untied trip or two people who absolutely shouldn't be together falling madly into each other's arms. Oh, that isn't safe at all, but it's enjoyable, and it's something he imagines the angel doesn't feel----so he shares that feeling of a job-well-done to him, gives him a little of the enjoyment of sin.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2019-09-09 04:59 pm (UTC)Loving anything is supposed to be out of his grasp. But he feels it so completely. He feels it even when Aziraphale isn't in his arms, even when he isn't kissing the angel with everything that he has in him. He feels it when he's just looking at him. He feels it when he's teasing him, or Aziraphale is blustering and acting self-righteous and a little bit holier-than-thou. Aziraphale is what he wants, and he gives that sensation, that desire to the angel.
He wants Aziraphale to be safe. He tries to think of the things that make him feel safe, the things that make him feel good. Aziraphale's bookshop makes him feel safe. Evenings with the angel make him feel secure. The angels' hands on his face, on his shoulder, they are like anchors, holding him in place. Chaos and trouble are the things that usually make Crowley feel like he's done the right thing----a good bit of mischief done right, watching people with their shoes untied trip or two people who absolutely shouldn't be together falling madly into each other's arms. Oh, that isn't safe at all, but it's enjoyable, and it's something he imagines the angel doesn't feel----so he shares that feeling of a job-well-done to him, gives him a little of the enjoyment of sin.